I revised my first paragraph because it was only two sentences introducing two of my artifacts. In my revision I make it a full paragraph explaining what my claim was and properly introduced Gee. In my peer review questions Hailey noted that I had two potential claims so I looked through my evidence and chose the one that I could write most about. This paragraph went from

My chosen discourse is building houses. The first artifact I chose was an article titled Who’s Who on Your Building Team by Pat Curry. My other article is A Step-by-Step Guide to the Home Building Process by Susan Bady.” 

to

“In “Literacy, Discourses, and Linguistics: Introductions” by James Paul Gee, he introduces us to the ideas of Discourse. He defines Discourse with the seven building tasks, “saying (writing)-doing-being-valuing-believing combinations” (Gee 6). He also says that “a Discourse is a sort of ‘identity kit’ which comes complete with the appropriate costume and instructions on how to act, talk,and often write” (Gee 7). Every Discourse has its own unique combinations that will characterize it as either a primary, secondary, dominant, or non-dominant Discourse.To become fluent in a discourse you must go through an apprenticeship with a master. The language, or “saying (writing)” aspect is the most important aspect of this discourse because you must know the unique discourse language to be able to understand it, therefore you will not be able to mushfake your way in.”

My next paragraph I revised was

Building houses is a long process that involves many different people. Being a builder can either be a primary discourse because you can learn it at home when you are young from your family, or it could also be  secondary discourse that you acquire from school or work. The discourse of building houses is also dominant discourse because it brings in social goods such as money, learning new skills, gaining experience, and even bringing in more customers when they see the great work your company is capable of. As far as identities go, there are a lot. You start with the homeowner and home building firm. Within the building firm there are developers, architects, sales consultants, construction superintendents, and many more important roles. The house building discourse is very unique because it uses lots of “language” that means one thing to everyday people, but a whole different thing to the workers. One example from the Curry article is the word elevation, which in the case of building houses, means the look on the front facade of the home. Because of all these homographs, and other unique words, I think it will be hard to mushfake your way through this discourse.”

I reorganized some of the ideas here and broke it into two paragraphs and had the first one as

“The Discourse of construction, specifically building houses, can be primary or secondary, depending on the individual. Being a builder is a primary Discourse because you can learn it at home when you are young from your family. If you were not exposed to this Discourse from an early age, it would be considered a secondary Discourse, one in which you acquire from school or work. The Discourse of building houses is also a dominant Discourse because it brings in social goods such as money, learning new skills, gaining experience, and even bringing in more customers when they see the great work your company is capable of.” 

 

Time On Task: 70 minutes

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